


He Killed Me.

by CurseOfPurple



Series: Sapnap Centric [1]
Category: Minecraft - Fandom, Sapnap - Fandom
Genre: Alexis | Quackity Angst, Angst, Dream is a killer, Dream is sad, Ghostbur, Hurt Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Jealous Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Karl Jacobs is gay, Karlnapity marriage, Lots of Angst, M/M, Murder Dream, Potion Maker - Freeform, Sad Jokes, Sapnap Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), Sapnap died, Sapnap is not so fire-friendly, Sapnap-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Villain Alexis | Quackity, Villain Karl Jacobs, ghostnap, karlnapity angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 08:27:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30136752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CurseOfPurple/pseuds/CurseOfPurple
Summary: He didn't except it to be his own friend that pushes him to his death. Anger written all over his face. At least, he thought it was anger.Until he pushed Dream over the edge and forced him to break.He wishes he never brought it up now. Thinking Dream killed him was much nicer than the reality.
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity/Karl Jacobs/Sapnap, Clay | Dream & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Series: Sapnap Centric [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2218029
Comments: 19
Kudos: 77





	1. The Fall

My death was his fault.

He tells people it was an accident, that me dying was simply a mishap, he tried everything he could too save me.

It's all lies. 

As a ghost, I've learnt you can't do much beside watch the ones you love tear themselves up because of your death and you can't help the guilt that settles in your stomach, weighing you down even though it's not your fault.

I float mostly around Karl, Quackity and George, hoping that one day they'll see me.

At least, I used to float around them. 

Until one day they got boring, all the mourning gets tiring after a while, and I decided to bother Dream. Before he killed me he used to say how he was sure even dead I could irritate him. I tested the theory. Great news, it's very true. He's the only one who can hear me, some sort of messed up karma apparently but I don't know who it annoys more. 

I want my fiancés to hear me, I want George to hear me, not this green loving man who decided killing me was better than just forcing me to keep some information private. It's not like I would've told anyone anyway, they all meant too much for me to put their life on the line. I don't even know what the information was, I don't remember anything three hours prior to my death. I just remember the fall. 

I tried for two weeks, after I learnt Dream could hear me, to get him to tell my fiancés and George that I love them. Just that. Just that would suffice. But he said no, and from that moment I decided to annoy him. 

"Dream." I whispered in his ear as he threatened Tommy over his discs. "Pee." 

He choked on his words, almost laughing, but played it off as he yelled louder. 

"Is this what you do now? Bully a child?" 

"I want my discs, Dream! I wont stop till I get them!" Tommy shouted. 

"Then you'll die trying!" 

"Like I did?" I asked, standing in front of Tommy so he had to look at me. "Did I die like that, Dream?" Dream's mask covered his true emotions, but his right hand twitched as I spoke, begging to punch someone. 

Dream stormed off suddenly, surprising even Tommy who stood bewildered and watched him stomp away like an angry toddler, but I wasn't done just yet. 

I followed after him, grateful that I could float as I caught up to him quickly. 

"Well, did I?" He ignored me. "What? You can kill me but you can't live with it?" 

"Quiet, Sapnap." I saw George in the distance and quickly changed my priority and went straight to him, leaving Dream by himself.

A week later I saw Dream again, he was being his cocky self and honestly I was tired of listening to Karl and Quackity talk about how much they miss me. It's been a month, I really want them to move on. 

"Dreamie!" I called, and saw his head turn to face me. Sam, the person he was showing off to, turned to look in the same direction but was of course met with nothing. It felt weird having someone stare into my soul and not see me but I had grown accustomed to it for the most part. "Why did you look, forget you killed me?" I grinned, he looked angry but it didn't scare me. What was he going to do, kill me?

"What're you looking at?" Sam asked, turning back to Dream.

"I... strangely thought I heard Sapnap." His voice trailed off as though he was feeling nostalgic, trying to convince Sam.

"You can't use me like this!" 

Sam put a hand on his shoulder, rubbing it comfortingly. "I get it, man. Losing your best friend is hard, I can't imagine being the last person with him."

"Yeah, his expression it..." He cut himself off.

"Was it scared? Was I scared, Dream? I wouldn't remember. All I remember is your hands pushing me!" I growled.

Dream bit the inside of his lip to keep himself from yelling at me. 

"Tell me, Dream. You're the only one who knows." My voice became low.

"I'm going to go." Sam nodded, not saying anything else, and they both went in opposite direction, leaving me alone.

Next time I saw Dream I went to see him myself. It had been only five days, but I knew the boiling pot was going to tip. I thought it over for a while before choosing to bother him anyway. 

If you couldn't find Dream with one of us, chances are he was in his meeting hall inside the Holy land.

I made my way to the black building and heard low muttering, I ignored it, phasing through the walls. I caught sight of Dream just before he caught sight of me and got to watch his eyes roll to the back of his head as he tried to not groan. 

The meeting seemed important, but finding out why I died was more important. 

"This seems as good a time as any to ask how I died." I went straight to Dream's side, ignoring everyone else around me. 

"Dream, if you don't mind, Quackity and I would like to decorate his funeral." Karl spoke up.

"Admit it to them, Dream." My tone no longer had the slight joking tone it had had before. Not knowing what was happening to me was really irking me. 

"Of course." Dream smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. 

"You're letting my fiancés live like this?" 

"George, when would you like your speech to be?" 

"You're letting them all go on, never knowing how I died. What did you tell them, Dream?" 

George grumbled out a response to Dream's previous question. "I don't mind. This is making me sad."

"Even George. Our best friend?" 

"I know, but it's what he would've wanted." 

"It's not!" I howled. "I don't want Karl and Quackity to look this guilty. I don't want George to sit on his chair getting back problems!" 

"I'll speak first." 

"You're doing this to the loves of my life!" 

Dream bit his lip, trembling as he spoke again.

"I hope everyone will be able to come."

"Tell them! Tell everyone what you did to me! Tell the only people I ever loved what you did to me."

Dream pushed his chair back, slamming his hands down on his table. I flinched at the sound.

"Sapnap knew!" He shouted.

"Knew what, Dream?" George asked, standing up for the first time to reach out to him, Dream shook him off. 

"He knew that Karl and Quackity were planning to get married without him." His voice went quiet as he said it, but as much as I wanted to believe it wasn't true I knew my best friend better then anyone else did. He wouldn't lie like this. 

"What're you on about?" Karl asked cautiously. 

"He overheard you two, at the docks, he came to me afterwards and told me. And I won't lie, I tried to leave to kill you two on the spot. We were on the nether bridge, he tried to stop me, telling me he still loved you two. I-" He sucked in a deep breath to keep himself from crying. "I pushed him away so I could get to you two... he slipped. I tried to grab him. I swear I did." 

I felt tears on my cheeks as I looked at my two fiancés. They both looked guilty, and for the first time I knew it wasn't because of my death. George wrapped Dream up in a hug, trying to calm him, but I knew he was stunned at the information too.

"Sapnap." He whimpered, looking up at me. His eyes were red, in all honesty I had never seen him look worse in my life. "I didn't want you to go through the same thing in death as you did life. If that meant you thought I purposefully killed you then I wouldn't care. You could hate me to the point you wanted me dead, but I can't imagine putting you through the same pain again." His voice broke with every word he spoke, I couldn't even focus anymore. 

I fell to my knees, staring at my shaky hands. If I could breathe I'm sure I would've stopped form pure shock. 

"They... hated me." I whispered. Dream gently pushed aside George and went onto his knees with me. He tried grabbing my hands.

"I'm so sorry."

"If I could die all over again. I think I would." 


	2. Crying.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The news about Karl and Quackity devastated Sapnap, so much so he's willing to do anything to forget what he knows.  
> Anything.

I've spent too long wandering, two weeks. I know it's been two weeks because I have watched the sun rise and set fourteen different times. Did you know ghosts don't sleep? I should've guessed that they didn't, when I first became a ghost I didn't think a whole lot about it, I never wanted to sleep so I never tried too, I didn't think it was impossible for me to do. All I want to do is sleep now. Avoid the rotting feeling in my gut, that the two people I loved the most in the world (beside Dream and George) didn't love me back. 

Not even slightly. 

I still don't remember what happened before I died, and I doubt I'd ever get my memories back, but I still felt like I knew. I could picture the way the two stood as I overheard them. I could picture Dream's face when I told him. And the way he looked when he pushed me over. The image in my mind no longer looked angry, like I had forced myself to believe he was, but rather worry and regret. 

I regret pushing him to tell me what happened. I think believing he killed me was better than the reality. 

I wish I was Ghostbur, more than I care to admit. He forgets everything sad that's happened mere seconds after it's happened. I watched him, just the other side, step on a worm and cry about it, but the second Tubbo moved it out the way, he forgot it ever happened. He's so blissful and I envy him for it. My life whilst alive wasn't the best, I know, I wasn't a great person but I tried. I did my best for those who loved me and I would have given them the whole word if they asked me to.

I would've lassoed to moon for Karl.

I would've caught all the stars for Quackity. 

I protected them, I fought for them. I did everything I could _for them_. 

So why did they try and leave me?

I would ask them, but I'm afraid of the answer. Is it because I fought on the opposite side in a war I didn't even want to be in? Is it because I forget to do the laundry that one night? Or because I also insisted on doing rock, paper, scissors for who did the washing up instead of just doing it?

I never cheated on them, never lied to them, never so much as looked at them the wrong way. Sure we argued, but only the same amount that every couple did. In the end we loved each other. They told me every night how much they loved me.

When did that change? What night did they stop being honest and start lying to me? What night did they discuss their feelings and how neither of them loved me anymore? Was it all pity from the beginning? Did they ever even love me? 

I floated behind them as they walked, tears streaming down my face. They never seemed to stop, it might be my curse as a ghost, to continue crying, or it could be because I just can't stop. I don't need to take a breath as I walked like a human, or rehydrate, or sleep. I don't have a reason to stop. 

The two of them walked, hand in hand. I wanted to scream, but instead I just followed. 

They weren't talking. They take these walks to enjoy each other presence, to just be next to each other. I wonder if they took these walks when I was alive too. I wonder if they did a lot of things with each other I don't know about. 

"Do you think he's here?" Karl whispered to Quackity, like he was afraid I would hear. 

Quackity shrugged, leaning closer into Karl's side. "I wouldn't want to be around us, if I was him." 

"I don't want to be around you. Dream's crying a lot, and George is sleeping, so you're my only options." I grumbled, crossing my arms. 

They didn't talk again, heading off the prime path and into the forest behind L'manburg. 

"Do you think he hates us?" Karl whimpered, using his sleeve paws to wipe at his eyes.

"Hey, hey. Don't cry, mi amor." Quackity halted them both and brought Karl's face down to his so he could wipe his tears. 

I scoffed. "You used to call me, mi amor." I scrunched up my nose when Quackity placed a soft kiss on Karl's forehead. My stomach curled with jealously and I had to tear my eyes away just supress the urge to scream at them both, even though they couldn't hear me. 

I spun around and headed back to the SMP, to find Dream. 

I found him in the community house, already wiping his tears when he heard me unintentional weeping sounds. I sound like some old widow from a Shakespeare play. His legs were hanging off the bridge to get to the community house, kicking the water. 

"Hey, Sap." He greeted, his voice hoarse. I didn't bother smiling at him. 

"I need help." I demanded, crossing my arms. 

"Help?" He pulled his legs out the water. "With what?" 

"You're good with potions, and you have a library of old spells, right?" Dream opened his mouth to protest, but I stuck my hand up. "I'm your best friend. I know you do." 

He huffed, shaking his legs like some kind of dog before rolling down his trousers. "Alright, fine."

Dream turned around, walking down the stairs in the community house to the basement.

His footsteps echoed as he went down, they were slow, as though he didn't want me down here. I knew too much about him for whatever he had down here to be a surprise though. 

Finally we got to the bottom, I watched Dream shiver from the cold and wrap his arms around himself to keep some kind of warmth. 

"Stop whinging. It's not that cold." 

"You can't even feel the cold!" He hissed, brushing apart some vines. 

"Vines." I clicked my tongue, just to provoke him. "Good hiding spot. Bet no one would think to look behind there." 

" _Shut up_. You're never come up with a good hiding place." 

"I hid you from your Mom when you wanted to sleepover. Worked for a good hour before you cried because she said she wasn't coming back for you." He yanked the lever down, glaring at me. 

"My Mom is terrifying, and I don't doubt she would've left me behind." 

"If I was your Mom, I'd leave you." I joked, floating past the cobblestone that were pulled back with the lever to reveal a small library. 

"You're so annoying. What are we even doing here?" I scanned the bookshelf as he shut the cobble door. 

I finally got to the book at the back that looked like it would resemble what I needed. It had a bright red spine with the words 'Ghost Extermination' on it. It looked like some old extermination book, something you'd typically look for when trying to find a book or pest removal, or how to stop the pests from entering your house in the first place. Dream seemed to pick up at what I was staring at and pulled it out from me.

"Ghostbur annoying you?" He joked, but I could hear the tone of voice. He knows what I want it for. When I didn't answer, he started to flick through the book. "Sap, it doesn't look like this would work. It's just some myth someone published for money."

"Can you try, please?" I asked, accidentally whispering. " _Please_." 

He flicked through the book a bit more, before sighing and slamming it shut. 

"Shouldn't we get George? If this does work-"

"I don't want to waste a second more. No matter how much I love George. I can't be here any longer." 

His eyes filled with sympathy as he tucked the book under his arm. I held my breath, metaphorically, and prayed he wasn't putting the book back. He's one of the best potion makers that I know, beside Tubbo but asking him to help was out of the question, and if anyone was going to get this right it would be him. Dream stepped in front of the enchantment table in the centre of the room, removing the book on it and placing down the Ghost Extermination one. Dream opened it again, flicking through until he found the right chapter. 

"Alright, step in front of me." 

I obeyed, following his gesturing hand to the small podium in front of him. His finger ran down the page, his eyes darting across the page fast as he soaked up all the information. He didn't talk as he moved round the room, grabbing pre-made potions and mixing them. He sniffed them as he went, turning up his nose at every one. 

At some point, after twenty minutes of standing there he started muttering to himself and then there was a shout of victory. He punched the sky as he held a potion bottle close to him. 

"I did it!" Dream cheered at me, victoriously waving around a bottle filled with silver liquid that swished inside of it. "I did it..." He said more quietly. Looking at the potion and back up at me, like it finally clicked what he did. "You're sure you want to do this? I get you're sad, but things can get better, I promise they can." 

I scoffed, rolling my eyes. "They won't. I'm a ghost, Dream, I can't age. With age comes maturity and lessons I _should_ learn. I don't have a brain, I could learn a thousand times to not add oil to water and I wouldn't retain that information. That also means, this sadness that I'm feeling? It won't ever leave me. I'm not going to learn to move on." I sniffed, avoiding his eyes. "I'm not going to learn how to live without them. I'm never going to _stop loving them_. That burns, Dream. It's like a fire I can't extinguish, no matter how much water I pour on it. This book, though, is my saving grace. I think. I hope. If I'm no longer here, at least I can't still get my heart broken as I watch them both pretend to mourn, still have each other." 

"I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve that. You didn't deserve those scum of earth." His voice broke as he spoke, I acted like I didn't hear him sniffle as the tears began to fall down my face. "If I could I would make sure you never found out. You're a ghost because of me, and I'll always regret that-"

"If you didn't turn me into a ghost," I whispered to him, letting him in on my darkest secret, "I would've done it myself. Protect them, for me, I still love them, I don't want them to suffer." 

He whimpered at that, twisting the cap of the bottle. "I won't let you suffer anymore." He swore, gripping the bottle tighter. 

"I know, Dream." I smiled at him, finally giving him eye contact.

He threw the bottle at the ceiling, quickly jumping backwards to avoid it. 

"I love you, brother!" He shouted as the bottle smashed, shards flying across the room. 

I watched with hope as the liquid fell, it felt like everything was happening in slow motion before it finally touched me. 

It burned at first, but I realised it was a good burn. A great one in fact. It burned with the promise of never feeling this way again, with the promise Dream would stop seeing my face and have regret written all over him as his mind forced him to watch me fall again. I smiled, as the silver liquid cascaded down my body, and I welcomed it. 

"I love you too, brother." I met his eyes, trying to smile and not cry. He's the last thing I saw when I was alive. He'll be the last thing my soul will ever see. "Say goodbye to George for me."

It finally dripped into my mouth. "Thank you. For everything." My voice was practically non-existent, but I hoped he heard.

With that, I was gone. 

I was _free_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the ore well-written one of the two because the first one was written on January 18th and this one was written today (19th March 2021) as someone requested a part two on Wattpad.  
> I decided to post it here too, though. For fun : D


End file.
